readmeright...

www.infowars.com

2005-11-29T18:38:00.000-08:00

i'm sick of spending these lonely nights
training myself not to care...
because i do care about something...
and life is worth living
if you add up the good moments
and not hold on to the bad ones
you could make a book of good memories
instead of flipping through
the pages of my past.

i'll color this picture for you
the sky's turning black and then blue
she's sticking to you
this wide-eyed night
alone in a bed full of fears
it's sticking to you.

readmeright2...

2005-11-15T18:40:00.000-08:00

i heard this as well...through the hours:

"if you love some thing (or someone)... give it (or them) away..."

alive.
-josh

readmeright...

2005-11-14T18:05:00.000-08:00

hello...to whomever reads this blog...near or far:

so.

i heard a song tonight as i walked down a nice street near my home.

it went like this: (feel this)

"i can see the chill in the air between us.

i can feel a winter coming we're frozen in our stares.
and we know there's a world outside
of these insults and injuries
maybe we're just too, afraid to be one.

the autumn sets a golden exit the winter is waxing
that cold sun will shed no more warmth into our living rooms.
where we dream our dreams, where we wait for sleep.
maybe we'll wake up with golden wings,
and fly over a city screaming, take me take me!

i woke up this morning to the silence of falling snow.
these graces of beauty have left me so cold.
i once had a heart, but hearts are like snowflakes
and snowflakes. one warm touch and they melt away
maybe we'll get wings. maybe anything.
just anything to set us free. maybe we'll wake up
a golden exit. must we always wait for sleep?"

hummmmmmm...

hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

what do you think?

i know what i think... i like these words.

readmeright...tonight.

goodbye.

i came as a josh...

2005-11-01T17:54:00.000-08:00

here i am at the library computer staions typing these words to you...whoever is out there that chooses to. i was having an off night and decided that it was best to move myself outside of home...so i went to the library to check out a book...a book that had been recently both recommended to me and read to me. how about that?
so, i wanted to check out breakfast of champions...but soon found out that i didn't know how to spell champions correctly...(champaions?...ahhhh...champ-i-ons...)
anyway, i finally found out how to spell this darn word. i never was a fan of the interaction..."how do you spell this word"..."look it up in the dictionary"..."but i don't know how to spell it".

maybe that's just me.

so then, also today, i was thinking about change.
specifically this came to my mind: change=movement in some direction

then i got to thinking about positive and negative change within ourselves.
i'm working on some change.
and sometimes it's hard to change because we don't want to.
or are too lazy...or comfortable.
or even sometimes it seems easier in these bad cracks in our lives.
but sometimes i'm just afraid...
i think because i'm afriad of what i'll lose in return for change.
or think i'll lose.
or maybe what i think i'll lose i never really had in the first place.

but i'm gonna find out.
and i want to make myself better.

jonezzzz

2005-10-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

okay...ohkay...so, okay...maybe i have been hitting the secret society/molech/alex jones stuff pretty hard...but despite all of this craziness, i still do believe that the man has some good stuff to say...so i thought i'd pass this little excerpt from a movie titled, "waking life" in which alex has a small scene...i hope that you enjoy these words:

(imagine an early thirties man proclaiming these words while his face becomes redder and even redder...oh, and this guy is an austin, texas christian)

"We saw it all through the 20th Century. And now in the 21st Century, it's time to stand up and realize that we should not allow ourselves to be crammed into this rat maze. We should not submit to dehumanization. I don't know about you, but I'm concerned with what's happening in this world. I'm concerned with the structure. I'm concerned with the systems of control, those that control my life and those that seek to control it even more! I want freedom! That's what I want! And that's what you should want!

It's up to each and every one of us to turn loose and show them the greed, the hatred, the envy, and yes, the insecurities because that is the central mode of control - make us feel pathetic, small so we'll willingly give up our sovereignty, our liberty, our destiny. We have got to realize that we're being conditioned on a mass scale. Start challenging this corporate slave state! The 21st Century is going to be a new century, not the century of slavery, not the century of lies and issues of no significance and classism and statism and all the rest of the modes of control! It's going to be the age of humankind standing up for something pure and something right!

What a bunch of garbage - liberal Democrat, conservative Republican. It's all there to control you. Two sides of the same coin. Two management teams bidding for control! The C.E.O. job of Slavery, Incorporated! The truth is out there in front of you, but they lay out this buffet of lies. I'm sick of it, and I'm not going to take a bite out of it! Do you got me? Resistance is not futile. We're gonna win this thing. Humankind is too good! We're not a bunch of underachievers! We're gonna stand up and we're gonna be human beings! We're gonna get fired up about the real things, the things that matter: creativity and the dynamic human spirit that refuses to submit! Well that's it! That's all I got to say! It's in your court."

does that get you fired up to believe something?
to want to do something/
to change?

heigh hallo

2005-09-29T14:00:00.000-07:00

hello life,

what have you been doing recently

what have you been up to

do you think you still care

it is not always an easy thing to do

goodbye life.

hello josh,

how is your life

how has it been recently

do you still think

do you still breathe

i hope so

good night josh.

goodnight life.

gerrrrsc

2005-09-24T15:54:00.000-07:00

greeting from hannover, germany.
i'm sitting backstage right now as koufax is playing along to songs. this is about the 13th day on tour so far...the days and nights are long, but i am in germany. it is quite odd seeing germany in this manner. each morning we awake in a new apartment, hotel, or hostel, board our tour van and tomas (our check republic driver) sets us out on the freeway. most of the time in the van is spent sleeping...it seems as if there is something in the air in that van...the second we get going, everyone is passed out. maybe this has a lot to do with going to bed at 5 a.m. the night before...maybe.
when we pull up to the club, wipe the sleep out of our eyes and step into a dark room, there is usually a "snack" waiting for us. this snack is quite different than one would expect in the states...usually a huge platter of fresh bread, cheeses, meats, fruits, veggies, and other assorted goodies await our hungry stomachs...plus all the beer, wine, sparkling water, tea, and coffee one could ever need. after sound check dinner is usually served or we are sent to a near-by establishment to pick our meals of choice. my favorite was in oldenburg where i devoured a "fitness salad" containing many a leaf of lettuce, nuts galore, garbanzo beans, and a wonderful vinagarette.
we play a show, sell merch, mingle with the german folk and wait for the rest of the bands to play...sometimes this gets quite old. i know that i am not cut out for this style of living. i don't want to complain, though. i am in a wonderful place and situation in life. i just wanted to give you an example of our typical day...it continues and continues...in a week we will have a day off in prague and then hopefully another day off in either pairs or northern italy. if you are reading this then you have probably been getting my "group" email...so far this is the only way of getting some pictures out there.
nate is currently working on a flicker account of pictues.
it looks like we have to get the stuff off the stage pronto. the show is done. koufax played their encore and now it is time for disco...the europeans love their disco...believe me.
this life will not last and that makes me happy. it is good to be here and it will be good to be home...it is just such a strange way to see germany and europe...sometimes i forget that i am even across the sea.
i hope you all are doing well...
today i watched a movie with a scene in it from a school and i was sure thankful that i wasn't there...the longer i am away from that establishment...the more i seem to despise it. maybe this is just a stage i'm in....hopefully.

lastly, i'm finishing up a book titled demian by herman hesse. i hope to write a bit about what i have been thinking about while reading it. it has some lovely quotes.
okay, thank you for reading this.
readmeright.
-josh

new world order.

2005-09-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

here is some stuff i've been thinking about.
check out amazing alex jones and his scary info at

www.infowars.com

it will BLOW YOUR AMERICAN MIND!!!

seriously.

and megan, you'd better...believe it.

blank

2005-09-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

..........
,,,,,,,,,,,,,
.
,,,,,
,.
...............
00000000000000
....................................
su...
ick.
...........................................

goodbye.

royal germany

2005-09-13T05:23:00.001-07:00

so we made it...from detroit, to paris, to berlin, to frankfurt, and finally to our current resting point, right outside of the city. we have been treated like kings so far...the crowds here are amazing and the "y" and "z" button on this keyboard are switched making typing interesting. because our layover was so short, our instruments and nate harold's bag are still not with us...fortunately, air frace are currently in the process of shipping them to us.

everyone here is so kind...my words do not do any justice to how we have been treated so far...

i hope all is well with you. i will attempt to keep this thing updated...maybe when nate starts downloading some pics i'll get them up in here.

until then, may peace be in your heart.

with love, josh.

royal germany

2005-09-13T05:23:00.000-07:00

neeeiggght

2005-09-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

today i leave for berlin, germany. i will be gone for 30 days. i thought i would leave you all and start this off with some words by the 14th century german philospher, meister eckhart:

"der warheit bekennet, der weiz daz ich war spriche"
(he who knows the Truth, knows that i am speaking the Truth)

...that is to say, if you believe in truth...

...and i do.

hellobloggerworld!

2005-08-27T20:32:00.000-07:00

my name is josh atkinson.
i can do some stuff okay and a lot of stuff
i can do rather poorly.
my new hobby is baking bread
in the old world tradition.
you might find this offensive...
sooooooo do i.
my last two boules have
FALLEN
upon the last rising.
i'm a bastard.
my breads are batards.
this you should know.
but sometimes
TOMATOES
at the open fresh market
(or eaten like an apple)
will bring you back to what
LIFE is all about...
i'll leave the rest up to you.
i have self confidence...but it
quickly falls,
just like my
saggy loaves.
goodbye.
drink diet root beer
and always check
yourself.
you know...gotta keep that
BODY IMAGE up.
you disgust me.
i love you.

2005-08-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

dear david, click here.
baller for life.
what's up, beard?

it's night, but i can't stay asleep.

2005-08-05T18:43:00.000-07:00

last night i went to go see eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. i saw this originally in the theater, but last night they had a viewing of it at the spencer art museum, and i wasn't doing anything after work, so i went. but this time it felt like i was seeing it for the first time. it has now worked its way to one of my most favorite movies of all time...close to that of a shawshank redemption. i'm sure all of you have seen it.

rsw is back in town and gave me a lovely peruvian man-purse.

today was my move in day at 1401 pennsylvania...it needs some work, but i like it.

shitman-oh, shit, man...

unreal

2005-07-29T19:37:00.000-07:00

i probably just need to confess this now...

the best part of my day was when i left work and began walking towards my car on ninth street. while i examed my salad that was just given to me, i heard a loud voice yell, "hey, nice high-waters, FAG!"

what?!?

anyway...it was these three dudes in their car with sports stickers all over it...apparently they didn't like my workable-fashion sense. i guess it is their loss...but i truly was blow away by the level of hatred and the hardening of man's hearts.

i just looked at them and shook my head.

or whatever became of this

2005-07-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

i had a nice birthday on saturday. i did not have to work, and my mother came to lawrence to enjoy it with me.

here are some words, for mine are no good.

"won't you play a song for me?
let the words escape your mouth.
scream out what you've lost!
in songs it will be found"
-t.k.-

re-play-beer-say

2005-07-20T16:17:00.000-07:00

This passage comes from the new testament in the gospel of john, chaper eight. i believe the message jesus gives is so powerful and loving:

But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

ps-thanks may-gun for reminding me.

nighph

2005-07-14T20:06:00.000-07:00

blank-it-e-bliz-ank.

off the beaten path.

2005-07-12T14:58:00.000-07:00

greetings. i just got a new job here in lawrence at ."http://www.wheatfieldsbakery.com/">WheatFields. if you want to nerd yourself out (like some of you do) check out the world-wide-web-site. if not, just trust that i'm very grateful and thankful to have a job...especially one that is within downtown and locally owned.

in other news...

i wanted to write the blogers of this blog world and let them all know that i have wondeful friends. if you are reading this than this is for you. thank you for being so kind and nice to me.

may God bless us and have mercy on us.

tap-tap-tap-a-roo

2005-07-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

hello bloger world...i found these two sets of lyrics to help smooth things out.

"I try hard to be more
What you want me to be
But i can't help how i act
When you're not here with me
I try hard to be strong
But sometimes i fail myself
And after all i've promised you
So faithfully
You still believe in me
I wanna cry..."

-brian wilson-

the thing that is amazing about this is its ambiguity. brian wilson said the making of pet sounds was a very spiritual time for him. so, is he lamenting to his old girl or to God? i suppose the joy is finding out how this music can speak to your own heart and within your own individual situations.

and here is side B: i hadn't heard this song for maybe a year until last night when it snuck up upon me. beautiful.

"switch on the pilot flame. and pretend to sleep, until you wake up...a trillion questions come from your closed eyes. i know you remember a promise we once made when the walls were 6 hours thick. dont you remember? but i dont dare speak. the pilot flame to my thinking cap is still red hot, jealousy is on tap.. at your expense or at your request, i get no rest. i lay awake all night. my lungs are feeling heavy, too much is on my mind."

-the casket lottery-

time

2005-07-08T18:57:00.000-07:00

i've got a bit of time on my hands these days. i don't have a job, live in a sleeping bag in a unfurnished apartment, and spend most of my time and money on keeping myself busy and living. applications have been sent but no word as of yet.

the extended vaction.

i'm going to chicago next weekend.

meg's car gets good gas mileage.

existentialism...you ask?!?

2005-06-29T23:11:00.000-07:00

some people stay sick in bed, sick at work,
or in their head.
doctors can diagnose, problems they are having most.
regulate the chemicals, prescribe all the medicines
put you on the right road to recovery.

sleep safely in the hands of men.

but you don't need chemicals
passing through your head.

-twothirtyeight-

ps-
"A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts."

i'll take something to believe

2005-06-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

so last week i was at ict fest in wichita. while there i was thinknig about how all of the bands were made up of males. but the entire crowd seemed equally male and female. why the lack of female musicians? band by band pressed on, but still no sign of girls. it really got me thinking...but i'm not sure if i really came to any conlusion except for the fact that it seemed a bit odd...or primative. all of the girls, sitting around to watch the men battle or compete or play really crappy metal.

and then we played a show a week later in lawrence.

the second band was called "HOT IQ's." (plese don't ask me to repeat their name again...once is enough) anyway, it all came together...an asian girl behind a white drum set. the interpol-ish music began, and she picked away at the cymbal...looking mildly odd. in fact, she was chewing gum, blowing bubbles, and making weird eye contact with the audience while keeping the steady 4/4. to make a long story short...i was not impressed with her drumming. would i say "it sucked?" ... probably not, but i know that if it were a boy behind there then maybe the story would be different...which just made me frustrated because i obviously have different expectations for males and females when it comes to music playing. especially in the rock market which is so saturated with males.

i have yet to come to any sort of conclusion on this matter. i don't like that i don't hold both sexes to the same standard...but then again, you really don't see that many girl musicians. i saw an all girl band in chicago in early 2003, and they were amazing!...especially the drummer.

and kazu from blonde redhead is an instant soul melter...

anyway, abby thompson is engaged. i saw her and her bffl (boyfriendforlife) tonight at tcby. would i say "it sucked?"...probably not. but was it awkward?

well, that's a whole different question.

try harder.

2005-06-20T02:40:00.000-07:00

you know, if you feel you're only putting in about 5%, maybe you should push yourself further, go that extra mile, take it to the next level... you all know what i'm talking about...don't you?

yeah...that's it... i'm talking about 20%...or even better, 100%.
do this and you will win God's prize for you at the end of life. you also might make a friend or two.

yes, it's true i need this lesson for myself. it's just a bit hard to hear sometimes.

what do you think...hmmmm???

cycle

2005-06-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

but when you're honest with others and yourself it doesn't always make things easy or the best...nor does it make sense sometimes.

greetings...welcome to life.

i'm still a bit confused on the whole matter.

equally damaged.

2005-06-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

i have white shoes on. i had a drink with rsw last night. i bought an album by blonde redhead titled "melody of certain damaged lemons." you should listen to it if you want to. today i ate a low-fat raspberry muffin from wild oats with some iced green tea. it was lovely. tomorrow i pick up meg-a-tron from the airport...ariving home from china. you should be honest with yourself and with others.

hate is a strong word

2005-05-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

i have recently been knocked over and floored by how judgmental i am and feel i have become. it was especially noticable today as i ran through the indian creek trail near my home. many families and such were also out on the trail, biking, hiking, and such. as i past person by person, i noticed that i was picking these people apart and judging them unfairly... i didn't even know them or their stories. every attribute was picked apart and pulled down... why do i find myself doing this?
the only answer that seems to make sense is that i find it easier to want to pick apart people when i'm not happy with myself. it's an awful downward cycle where i'm not happy with myself so i won't be happy with others either...because we all basically are awful and suck.
the next step is to make improvements and pray for improvement within myself.
i'm deeply sorry for my thoughts and actions.

"do not judge, or you too will be judged. for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you. why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" -Jesus-

sith-a-myth

2005-05-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

hello. please direct your eyes to the link section on this page where you will find a new entry titled "star wars RAP." you should check it out because it is totally awesome and rad. once you watch this amazing clip, your mind will be blown and you will be high. good bye friend.

my friends are so depressed.

2005-05-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

recap. wish you could have been there. "i can hear music" and "debra" brought a certain memory of a blogger...rsw. peace be with you and your health. friends without best friends nearby is the story for mid-may this year. i suppose that it's healthy for us all to experience. but we should all attempt to control ourselves and our minds during unclear moments. at least, that's what i've heard works best in the long run. wish you could have been here, but i know you can't.

santa fe.

2005-05-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

i left kansas this past weekend, and it was wonderful. i climbed a mountain with my friends on saturday that overlooked the entire city. it was beautiful and magical. i wish you could have been there. but the best part was driving through the night and having the sun rise over the mountains while drinking MONSTER FUEL at 7:00 am. that was the best breakfast of my life.

turn

2005-05-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

"but i don't really need that now.
i never really did anyhow.
i only really needed alcohol.
something that would treat me okay,
and wouldn't say the things you say...
please, turn out the lights.
i get a sick confusion-headache
trying to figure out who's right."

oh, oh, elliott smith...what shall we ever do?

drive home alone...but don't drive home alone

2005-05-10T11:11:00.000-07:00

wise words...from a particular pair of josh a's...two that is...if you didn't catch on. i would understand though, every day is a new day to find that words are often misspoken, misplaced, and misspelled...however, the end is for you.
friends are coming back into town. i'm leaving for santa fe, mexico nuevo.
don't get dumb...stay cool outside if it gets hot.
breathe in.

by the way, your mind has the strength...how about that?!?

onedayatatime.

some how...some way

2005-05-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

gin is a friend
that will bring out your grin
or a needle and pin
to your developing sin.

so, don't try this at home.
or you'll end up alone,

with your dad asking you
while you slip off your shoe..

"why are your eyes so glazed,
and your funk in a haze
on this beautiful day
THIS SECOND OF MAY!"

"i sure don't know dad
but this monday is sad,
and what's good goes bad
do you think it's a fad?"

i hope not.

it's on like donkey kong (ps-clean it up)

2005-05-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

i know you look at me...shine...look at me...gleen...so.
how do we ever find what we are looking for?
i ran down the street as fast as my heart would take me.
seems like
i don't know how it feels...but i sure am thirsty.
but
ps-water will do the trick this time.
oh, and another (by the way) everything here is real.

okay. your mom...i win.

so be at it

2005-04-30T14:02:00.000-07:00

this is a test. ... don't even read this crap, and especially don't act like you read this if you see me...